Growing Up with Two Moms or Dads

Growing up with two moms or two dads is not a new concept. For more than 25 years, gay and lesbian couples have been raising children. Society, however, has not embraced the concept until the last 10 years.The term “gaybe boom” was used in 2004 by Barbara Walters to describe a wave of children being born to gay and lesbian parents. The terms was first noted twenty years earlier when gay and lesbian couples chose to start families of their own despite societal definitions of the word “parent”. Lesbian women had more choices than men had and often used artificial insemination to mother biological children. Gay men could only adopt, even if a surrogate was used for the birth. Throughout the story published by 20/20, Walters found that gay and lesbian parents raised children that were smart, honest, happy, loved and well-rounded.

Growing up with two moms or two dads is not a new concept. For more than 25 years, gay and lesbian couples have been raising children. Society, however, has not embraced the concept until the last 10 years. Cable television introduced gay parents in the 2000 series “Queer as Folk” on Showtime. The take off show “The L Word” on the same network, later addressed the concept as well. On major network TV, ABC’s “Modern Family” in 2009 showed two dads with an adopted daughter. “Nurse Jackie” went on to mention the two moms who raised Dr. Cooper.

Going back to the 2004 interview with Barbara Walters, children questioned during the 20/20 spot were no different from those raised by heterosexual parents, in most cases. While the long-term impact is not widely studied, the short term is evident. Children with two moms or two dads tend to grow up with the same trials, tribulations and expectations as other peers, but often accept people who are commonly shunned at school and in life when others do not. Being more accepting may be linked back to the unique difficulties gay and lesbian parents have with acceptance in society.

According to one child interviewed by Walters, the most difficult time in life are the middle school years. During middle school, kids can be most judgmental which can be difficult for children to understand. Danielle, now in her 20s, realized quickly that acting embarrassed about having two moms was not productive and during a gathering of gay and lesbian parents, she met other children like herself.

Being raised by two moms or two dads presents unique peer problems, but surrounding children with a strong support group of other children in the same situation may give them the outlet they need to talk about problems, slurs, slang and ignorance faced in public or private school settings.