You have been trying to conceive for what feels like forever. You want to have a child and you’ve followed every suggestion your fertility specialist has offered. You are about to jump into fertility drugs and assisted reproduction when you learn a friend – who wasn’t planning on getting pregnant just yet – has conceived. How do you look her in the eye without feeling angry that she was able to achieve something you’ve always wanted without even trying?
Just Remember – You Are Not Alone
These feelings of anger are common – more common than you may think. There are literally thousands of forum posts describing this exact situation. Some women take the higher road and pretend to be happy for their friends and others can’t overcome the feelings of anger and lose lifelong friendships over difficulty trying to conceive. There are a few things to remember every time you start feeling those pangs of anger.
She is Not the Reason You Can’t Conceive: Just because your friend was able to conceive without help, she is not the reason for your trouble conceiving. There is a small minority of women who experience prolonged inability to conceive. Many women seek fertility help and that help is successful within a few years. Other women are never able to conceive and never learn why their bodies simply won’t support a pregnancy.
It is Normal to Feel Pain, but You Can’t Let it Overcome You: Pain and anger are normal responses to this situation. Anyone who has tried to accomplish something for a long time without success feels burdened by the idea that they can’t be successful. These feelings are not just reserved for women trying to conceive, but how you react to these feelings will shape the course of your life. Allowing the anger to take over can cause irreparable damage to relationships. Be honest about your feelings and ask your friend to give you a little time to come to terms with the feelings you’re having.
I remember the first month after the doctor told me I was unable to conceive without medical help. I hated every woman I saw with a small child. I even confronted one woman in a craft store for allowing her infant to cry uncontrollably. Anger is a common feeling when you have been trying so hard to conceive only to find out a friend managed to get pregnant in record time without really trying. But allowing that anger to take control of your life is not going to move you any closer to pregnancy.