Going through the process of struggling to have a baby and then finally getting to the point where it looks like it's really going to happen is an emotional journey as well as a physical one. I've definitely been poked, prodded, and otherwise tortured in numerous and creative ways while going through fertility testing and all the methods of getting pregnant I've tried up until now. Even the most painful test (I'm looking at you, hysterosalpingogram) was easier for me to bear by knowing it was getting me one step closer to having a baby. But there's a big emotional journey you take during all of this, too, and it's different for every woman.

My friend from junior high who has been going through the same thing as me reached the end of her emotional journey last year. Up until then, she was as eager and determined to have a child as I am. At some point last year, she suddenly decided that she was okay with not having kids and would no longer actively try to make it happen. At the same time, she says she would still welcome the chance to be a mother if it were to come to her, so she is also not doing anything to prevent pregnancy. She's become very "zen" about it.

For me, on the other hand, the thought of not having children was and is something that just "does not compute" at all. It doesn't resonate with me or feel good in any way. It's because of this that I know I'm meant to be a mother and will have children one way or the other. It's been a long time coming, but I believe there is a reason for that. I think the universe just knew I wasn't ready before and held off on sending the babies.

There were things I needed to do and adventures I needed to have first that I didn't even know I needed. Looking back, though, it all makes sense. I feel more ready and sure now than ever before. My emotional journey lead me to the realization that having children isn't just something that would be nice to do one day. I know now that having children is a non-negotiable part of my future and a necessity to my personal fulfillment as a woman.


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